you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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