After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
