It was confusing and full of hummus
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
