Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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