Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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