i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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