woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
