PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
