saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
