God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We need to rekindle our bromance
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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