Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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