Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
