So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
MIDGETS
????
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
