After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
