Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
