I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
