road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I want her autograph on my taint
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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