ya dads aren't the best wingmen
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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