Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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