Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
