no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
