In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
