At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
