Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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