I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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