I wish I could punch you in the face.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
