Don't you send me to vm
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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