I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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