well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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