So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
