i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
