i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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