No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
