believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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