I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
