Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
