She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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