we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
