Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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