I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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