It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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