and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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