Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
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I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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