Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
