GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
