You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
