I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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