paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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