I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
