Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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