He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
