R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
