Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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