i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
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We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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