A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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