Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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