2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
