Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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