you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
