Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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