are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
