I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
