So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just want nice things and good sex
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
