I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
