Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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