I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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