I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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