I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
