I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
