the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
