would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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