my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
