i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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