Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
