Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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