im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he was CRYING into my vagina
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
