She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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